The Rants of the Tart

More Rants here!

These are the ravings and rantings of the webmaster unless otherwise accredited!

This Month: The Custard Tart has gone!

After 6 long and strange years, I have finally traded the trusty old VFR in for a new bike... meet The Horney Hoor (pics soon!). Yup I been an' gone an' bought a 02 plated Hornet 900. After all those years thinking I should be wearing a flueresent sam brown on the VFR, I have just realised what I have been missing since my last hooligan tool.... Simpson helmet, M1A jacket, Para Boots and combats.... I have indeed returned to my roots... won't be long now before the hornet has some subtle modifications (or not so subtle...). Anyway, thats the news!

Baldy Bob 14/03/06

Bugger!

This instalment of the Tart’s rants comes to you courtesy of a rather silly young girl in a mini who muttered those immortal words that fill every biker with dread!

“Sorry, I didn’t see you!”

Yup… your webmaster was t-boned!

How did it happen? Well nothing new to this story… travelling home from work, 30 mph zone, noticed a mini trying to edge out of a T junction, so I slowed down moved to the middle of the road thinking that “if this plonker pulls out, at least I have a choice of escape routes, left or right!” But no she stops after looking right at me, so I ease off the brakes get ready to accelerate round her, and then out she comes.

I am not entirely sure how far I was from her before she pulled out, but I did have time to get on the brakes again… just! The resulting impact was probably less than 20 mph – I was thrown up off the seat landed half back on the seat, then fell backwards smacking me head on the deck – but it was enough to bend the fork stanchions, break the mud guard and fairing panels on both sides, and as the bike fell over, scratch the engine casings.

As for me, banged up my wrist and that’s about it. After a second visit to the fracture clinic, I have been advised that my wrist is not broken, just a thump that is still kind painful a week later, but it is improving, and I should be able to drive / ride my bike again in about a week or so and with any luck the bike should be fixed by then!

No moral in this instalment, no words of advise, just me whining about a sore wrist and a bent bike! What does the future hold… dealing with solicitors and insurance companies to get my lid replaced and my excess back! Like I said at the start of this whinge… BUGGER!

Faith

Just a wee rant this month, as no one seems to want to play!

Today I had the pleasure of discussing religion. Now let me say here at the outset, that nothing I say from this point on is supposed to upset anyones beliefs. I am usually open minded enough to accept most belief systems, and I rarely if ever comment on a specific religion, but today was priceless.

The discussion started because someone told me to have faith. Now being a bit agrumentative, I had to ask "Faith... in what?". And really your honour, thats how it started!

The discussion went on for quite a while but I wont bore you with the details, I will however ask you a question... if all you need to enter heaven is faith, what kind of faith.... Now I am pretty sure that someone will be able to answer this question for me, but for my part I have the following faiths:

• That the car lookin right at me, didn't see me.
• That it only really rains badly, when my waterproofs are at home.
• That speed cops are infinately better than Gatso's.
• That my mates are always there, especially if you get to the bar first.
• That my wife wont see the funny side of "I'll need a new bike, this one's dirty".
• That there are worse things in the world that not having faith.
• That fundamentalist ideals are not for me.
• That you can have too much religion.
• That religion gets blamed for too many things by those that act in it's name - whatever religion.
• That if you have a god you believe in... Great! Stick with it! Might even see you in the after life (if there is one).
• That if a devine being made the earth in 7 days, he obviously was not a member of the British construction industry.
• That the light at the end of the tunnel is likely to be an oncoming train.
• And Finally, that no matter what I write here, each and every reader will have already made up their own mind about what they have faith in... just don't expect me to have faith in the same things.

Fat Boab

After a long and loving relationship with a damn fine pair of Sidi Vertebra boots, they died…. Or more specifically they fell apart. Okay no sweat, buy new ones! Well not so easy, managed to buy a pair of Vertebra 2’s (newer super pooper boots huh!), but found out within about 20 miles they were too bloody narrow for my feet! Arse! Not to be outdone, spoke to one of my F3 crew mates and he says that Alpinestars SMX-3 boots were good. So out goes another wad of cach and low and behold…. They were too feckin narrow.

Is it TOO much to ask for boots that are designed with multiple width fittings! Have tae rely on my old Daytona Roadstars for summer’s spirited riding.

For everyday use…. Thank whatever gods (if any) you believe in for Military surplus stores! One pair of German Paratroop boots later, and Fat Bob is a happy round person again!

Bloody Tourist Crap!

As a Scot, I can identify with most things Scottish with a few exceptions. Namely, stupid wee plastic dolls in highland dress, “Nessie” memorabilia, and the rest of the touristy shite that infects any picturesque village or town in Scotland.

Instead of celebrating our heritage (not the invention of Scotland perpetuated by the Victorians and still afflicting us today), art, history, culture, music and literature… we are offered twee t-shirts, dolls, Wallace, postcards, “Scottish Country Dancing”, accordian music, etc… THIS IS NOT SCOTLAND.

We are a diverse nation of Scots, Pictish, Irish, Scandinavian and even English creeds. Our industry both past and present has played a significant part in dragging the whole planet into the modern era, our literature and arts have transformed the understanding of the human spirit, our innovations have been the starting point for infection control, television, the development of steam power, the tyres we rely on to keep us alive during those ahem “silly” moments that we as bikers constantly seem to have. As a nation we are being told that tourism is a significant part of the Scottish economy but what do we do with the investment the government makes…. We import horrible shite made in the far east and sell it on to the gullible tourists that visit what is one the most beautiful countries on the planet!

Our greatest export is still our people, why? The brain drain that has been going on for the last 30 years continues because successive governments in Westminster still punish new businesses with excessive red tape and taxation. I do not blame anybody who has left our shores to build a life for themselves where their efforts and work are suitably compensated… but at the end of the day, most ex-pats admit to wanting to return home, but none of those I have spoken to want to return to the image of Scotland created by the Victorians.

As a nation we had the chance to develop into a modern balanced country where the touristy twee shite is a small part of our economy and where only a few jobs are reliant on such crap. Unfortunately, the Scottish parliament still doesn’t get it. We can’t rely on Scotland’s history to support the nation into the 21st Century. We must push on to introduce the tourist to the real Scotland, warts and all. I don’t attempt to answer those questions as I do not have either the vocabulary or knowledge to answer them… only a knowledge of what switches people off from visiting us!

COURTS

It is obvious from recent events that the justice system in the UK sunk to new and spectacular lows. The press this week has covered the case of two speeding bikers receiving custodial sentences.... WHY?

Speeding itself carries a potential risk to the person speeding, pedestrians and other road users, in the case highlighted by the events in the press the offense was gross, but a custodial sentence..... they may well have been better off claiming they were escaping from mugging a 90 year old women, and at least that way, they would not have received a custodial sentence! (at least not in most of the country where crimes against people - assault, robbery, etc. - carry at most a community order for a first offense)

The best way to deal with people who grossly break speed limits (158mph for instance), would be the confiscation and crushing of the bike / car / vehicle with no recompense to the owner (in the case of HP, the owner still pays off the loan company). Where it is a borrowed vehicle (or hired) a long community order might be appropriate. In either case, a substantial fine, and long ban (with compulsory extended resit) would top off the punishment (cause it certainly isn't about rehabilitation).

The law and it's application has done itself absolutely no favors this time, and 2 people have received custodial sentences where there was no victim. As recent cases have shown, careless driving that kills a pedestrian might get you 3 points and £200 in fines (unless you are a biker). It is time for sentencing to be revisited. If they want to make speeding as socially unacceptable as drink driving why are they handing out custodial sentences for speeding and not drink driving (in the vast majority if cases).

We at psychoBiKER believe that the law is proving what we always suspected. It is an ass! The sentencing policies that are being used in the magistrate courts are a joke. Even police officers admit (when talking off the record) that the civil servants the really run the country do not accept the evidence from their own departments about the true causes of death on our roads, and the first thing to blame is speeding rather than poor driving standards.

Back to the two unfortunate bikers... you were riding like tossers.... you got caught, but boy were you guys shafted!

An interesting conversation with a PTW rider last night. Why a PTW rider, coz he was a scooter rider. But like many of us, he is a lifestyle "biker". He does over 15000 miles a year on his scoot, travelling to rallys across Europe and the UK, and turns out to all the local MAG rallies because he is made to feel welcome.

Fifteen years or so ago this would have been impossible. Mainly due to the fact that the Scooter boys and us "bikers" did not mix, or to put it more accurately, the slightest insult has us squaring up. How time drags!!

We had all had a load of beers, and this guy came up to ask a question about one of our bikes (he recognised the faces from a rally a couple of weeks ago). And it turned into a mutual back slapping exercise with each extoling the efforts and committment to what we ride and why. It is definately about time we had a closer association with each other as we (as groups) are both fighting the same problems - very much unlike cyclists who are still holier than thou but still ignore more of the highway code than any other road user in my experience.

Lets get the scooter boys (and girls) who want to turn out to rallies made welcome, after all many of the do more rallies, more miles and more for good causes than many of the bloody power rangers out there, and we never seem to turn our noses up at them!

Just to help make things clear.... you would never get me on one of them scooter things - too bloody dangerous by far! I'll stick to my bike coz thats my choice, but I will definately be giviing the scooter boys a bit more respect from now on!

Editors note: Scooter boys refers to Scooter Riders (male or female) and not really the twist and goes, who probably need to grow up a wee bit more before I can feel any respect for them. This is on recent evidence of watching them thrashing the tits off of their pig slow and wholly ugly little "bikes". (Not at all like me as a spotty teenager on my C50 / C70 / C90 trying to wheelie the unreliable little barsteward at every opportunity! )

Well only one email on the last mumble... I must be doing something wrong or something right! Dunno, but I am sure someone will let me know. Thanks to HMCBORA for his / her comments.

BIKE KIT

Gloves
With all the technology available these days you think the manufacturers of bike kit would be able to come up with an affordable winter glove that also lets you feel the controls. I don't think I am asking for much. A winter glove that gives something approaching the feel of a summer glove, that will also keep your hands warm and dry, and keep the price under £50.

After much searching I ended up buying 2 pairs of winter gloves. Both under £50 but neither really offering any kind of real life protection in an off (lets face it if you are gonna have a moment at slow speed it's gonna be on diesel infested wet roads during the winter so gloves that will protect you on a 100mph slide off on the race track are hardly practical on a bloody cold morning with pissing rain or sleet).

Just once it would be good to get a product that does not have a mark-up of 100%, and does the job. Come on kit makers do us proud! We'll even test the damn things for you for free, but we would always want to write honest reports so maybe they won't want to contribute!

Helmets
Unfortunately for me, I have an Arai shaped head. Sounds daft? Probably but the truth is, I have been searching for a replacement for my battered old Quantum F for the best part of 6 months, and nothing I have tried fits (except for bloody expensive Arai's). Either everyone else on the planet that can wear other maker's kit is deformed about the head, or I am (and we all know that can't be true!). No real substantive comments to make, just a bitch about the cost of helmets to fit my perfectly normal head.

Boots
This is a short rant. I loved my old Sidi Vertebra's. Comfy boots, stood up well to a slide with me foot trapped under the bike (bastards in Fords). Time to replace them as the sole was about worn through, so I bought some Sidi Verterba mark II's. Felt fine in the shop if a little tight, but thought they would break in so paid the money. They haven't and are now bloody uncomfortable. Any one got any suggestions for next season? My Daytona Roadstars are about knackered as well, but at £200 to replace, they will have to last the rest of this winter!

Once again, I am simply ranting. Got a comment to make, get in touch!

Are we truly a brotherhood?

As I start to write this, I cannot say that I know the answer. I know what I want the answer to be… but I don't know if we, as bikers, can truly call ourselves a brotherhood.

Recently I heard the tragic story of a well-respected biker seriously injured in an accident. Reading the comments made by those who knew him, those who had met him, those that knew of him, and more significantly, those that had never met him, got me thinking. All the comments I read spoke of the deep feeling of sadness that another biker had been all but taken from his family and friends. Many of those writing, had experience of this situation themselves, and the kind words they spoke / wrote I am sure will be a comfort to the bikers family and friends. But in many ways these kind words also brought home to me that maybe, just maybe, we are one big family of bikers.

Far from being a lovey-dovey thought, this is based on a strange reality. One of my great loves in life (apart from family, friends and bikes) is the opportunity to argue a different point of view with fellow bikers. Arguing about how sports bikes are bloody useless for anything but scratching, that tourers were okay for long distance but crap to travel through built up areas everyday, with the touring types, telling the cruiser boys and girls that bikes are supposed to be able to go round corners. Basically, I suppose I am a bit of a wind up merchant. Bikers love to argue. Some of the more intellectual types call it debate, but me, I call it arguing! I firmly believe that the only way to get a consensus on anything is to argue about it before hand.

But in all this, one thing does not change. The respect that I have for my fellow bikers. Some of the people I dislike most on this planet are bikers, but at least they are bikers. At the same time, my closest friends are bikers, or pseudo-bikers. I can here the leathers creaking - slow down folks, let me explain. Pseudo-bikers - those that would be bikers in different circumstances. They come to the rallies and piss ups, they know about bikes, they will ride pillion, but they just can't or won't ride the bloody things.

I have for some time had my suspicions about the 40 - 50 something's that go out and sit their test then buy a bike. I know I am not going to see them at rallies, I will definitely not see them on a demo run, and I probably wont see them on a bike between October and March. I cannot bring myself to say, there goes a biker. I do not feel an affinity with these people. I believe that on most occasions these types buy a bike as a toy. Well good luck to them. They are truly motorcyclists.

I also have my suspicions about the people that can afford a bike as a plaything. I must admit here and now that I am envious (green eyed monster and all that). I wish I could afford to spend £10K on a plaything bike. But then again I wouldn't. If I was spending that kind of money, I would be looking at a £6K - £7K bike and spend the rest of the money making the bike the way I want it.

Many clubs, both MC and MCC, espouse a fraternal brotherhood kind of thing. In some clubs I know it works, in others it is more a social thing (and there is nothing wrong with that). I don't think that I will be joining a club. Too many rules!

No I think the real testing piece for me would be - if he is stuck, and I can help, would I? - Doesn't sound much like a brotherhood now does it. Do you really need to think about it. I think as bikers we would like to believe that we are one big family (note I said nothing about happy!). The Internet has provided a vehicle for the planet to express a view. It has, more importantly, given bikers the opportunity to become part of the larger community of bikers. World wide.

Some of the better-known websites have large and thriving message boards and chat rooms. This I believe is where the difference will come. Bikers and biking have always had a hard time, and even more so until 5 - 7 years ago. Then biking got popular. The biking community is more than a brotherhood, much more, it is truly a family, and with all the baggage that comes with the territory. (Nobody speaks to Aunt Glad coz of what she said at our Mary's boy's wedding). The fact that the different sub-cultures of bikers can exchange points of view via a medium such as the internet facilitates a better understanding. And maybe, just maybe, with better understanding, we (bikers) can become what we probably want and need to be.

Family.